Toucha Toucha Touch Me
I’m an early adopter. Certainly for technology purposes, but in the case of the TSA and the overly friendly security folks, for sure. I flew to Seattle earlier in the month for business out of Newark Liberty Airport in NJ. I waited in a hopelessly long line of clueless people, as per usual. When I went through the scanner I set off the alarm. I went through again, same thing.
I was taken aside by a TSA agent who began to explain that she would need to do a “pat down” of me. I kept trying to move her along, saying I didn’t really need the explanation, but she kept insisting I did. Finally, she put on her rubber gloves and got down to business.
What followed was something that usually, for me at least, comes after dinner and a movie. We got close, or should I say SHE got close. Hell, she got everywhere.
Yes, the new pat downs are more invasive than ever. Luckily, I got an agent who got it done quickly. But questions abound:
1. I didn’t have the option to refuse the pat down – there was no full body scanner nearby. So what was my other option? A trip to the “back room”? Oy!
2. What’s next? Full body cavity searches?
3. If you are gay, can you request an opposite sex screener? “Don’t ask, don’t tell” at it’s finest!
4. I was traveling alone, but I cannot imagine being all that excited about being groped in front of my co-workers. How much time should I allow to set off the alarm, go get groped in the back room away from my traveling companions, and still make my flight?
5. How much fun will I be if I whip off my underwire bra at security through my clothes. Men are SO fascinated by that!
My father has complained for years about his treatment at TSA due to an artificial hip and knee – I can only imagine how this is going to be for him. He may never come North again!
I’m trying not to be critical of the TSA. It’s their job, and I get it. I just don’t know how much of this is really helping, and how much is just security theatre.
How about you? Did you have any grand TSA experiences this holiday weekend? Are you making changes to your travel routines as a result of fear of the “Grand Grope”