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The Odyssey

December 23, 2009

Today marks the third day of my end of year vacation.  Not much planned, other than getting the kids off to their last day of school, therapy for the boy, a cut and color for me, a visit to Santa and packing.

Yes, I said packing. 

As someone who travels a fair amount for business, I can’t really say I have an overwhelming urge to ever travel with my family, especially during the peak holiday season.  

But this year is different.  A good friend and the maid of honor from my wedding is getting married.  On January 2nd.  In Florida.

How could I not attend?  When I got the “save the date” six months ago, I knew I would find a way to be there. 

It was during the holidays.  The crowded planes, the ridiculous airfares, the clueless tourists – I would go alone, I decided. Maybe I would bring Soccer Girl.  But only for the weekend. 

When I started thinking more about it, that plan went out the window fast.  Somehow, it morphed into more.

I decided that the whole family should go.  And not just for weekend.  FOR ELEVEN DAYS.  That’s just how the airfares worked out best.  The kids will have to miss one day of school, but that’s not horrible. 

What is horrible is flying with my family.  I’m a selfish business traveler.  I like to use my plane time to catch up on reading, watch movies on my iPod and generally chill.  CHILL is not a state you can enter when you fly with IT Boy.  I don’t believe it’s truly his fault.  First off, he’s a boy, and containment in a seat is not a state of being he chooses.  Second, he has ear issues, and the pressure on planes wrecks havoc with him.  I’m not above buying drink tickets for the people sitting around us who have to listen to him, and especially those who will have their seats kicked by him the entire flight. 

Last time I got off a flight with him, I smacked myself in the forehead and said, “Now I remember why I used to smoke.”

I haven’t seen “Up in the Air” yet, but I have a feeling I will absolutely relate to the George Clooney character.  I despise being at the security gates with clueless families traveling on their once a year flight.  Especially when they are my own family.  You know the ones, the folks who never travel, have no idea what the hell they are doing and hopelessly clog up the security gates

There is NOTHING like a security line in a  Florida airport.  I can’t help it, I just start yelling at people trying to fold their strollers that are bigger than their car and shove them thru the x-ray.  DO YOU REALLY NEED A STROLLER THE SIZE OF A SMART CAR FOR YOUR 15 lb son?  Better yet are the ones who try and put their car seats CONTAINING THEIR CHILDREN thru x-ray (I swear to you that I have seen that not once, not twice, but THREE DARWIN-TEMPTING-FANTASTIC TIMES.
What am I thinking?!?!  I will need a vacation from the vacation.
Our itinerary is not for the faint of heart.  We’re starting in West Palm Beach, where my father in law lives.  Four days there, staying in his condo.   Then we are going to Universal (UNIVERSAL?  WITH ALL THE TOURISTS?!?! AND A SENSORY ADVERSE BOY?!? WHAT ARE WE THINKING?!?) for 4 days, then over to Cocoa Beach and the Space Coast for the wedding.  Where I will drink.  Heavily.  Before flying out of ORLANDO, the epicenter of the clueless tourist.

It’s all going to be okay, I keep telling myself.  While I remind myself to not attempt this next year, without Valium. 

What are YOUR plans for the holidays?  Whatever they are, may they be merry!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. December 23, 2009 11:23 am

    I am only writing this because I know there is no chance that any of my family members are blog readers. 🙂
    We are embarking on a family trip — via car — to Montreal. I would have much preferred somewhere with palm trees and drinks with umbrellas (although I am quite pale and not really in fit enough shape to put on a bathing suit, so I guess there’s an upside to the fact that I was out-voted.
    I am the black sheep of our family, preferring shopping and spa-ing to hearty outdoor activities like snowmobiling, night-time winter zip-lining, and skiing in 15 degree weather. However, we all like museums, movies, and eating, so will find the common ground during the week. (Montreal bagels are supposed to be weirdly different.) I have already prepared my family members that if I do my own thing from time to time, they shouldn’t take it personally — I’ve decided that it’s the best strategy for surviving long stretches of family time!

  2. December 23, 2009 11:35 am

    Oh my goodness you have to tweet this trip and tell me if you see anyone trying to put a kid through the x-ray machine. Best of luck to you my friend and have fun super mom! I’m going to try and have a low key holiday week or as low key as the teens will have it. Fingers crossed.

  3. Jen Webb permalink
    December 23, 2009 11:51 am

    Good luck! There is nothing worse than Orlando airport…

  4. David permalink
    December 23, 2009 12:42 pm

    Wow, I feel so much better now. I was dreading the 2.5 day weekend trip coming up Christmas day, with nine hours of minivan time wrapped around a weekend immersed in heavy southern accents conveying a steady stream of racism and poorly-informed political blathering. My mental life raft was the six hours of golf in the middle, and the certainty that I’d learn at least half a dozen new jokes that I can never retell to anybody back home. But at less than three days, my odyssey will be a cake walk compared to yours. Good luck!

  5. talesofanunfinishedmom permalink
    December 23, 2009 12:45 pm

    Hilarious!! But, oh so true. Can’t wait to read the follow-up post!

    In case misery loves company, we are also flying out tomorrow, with the kid, to Florida, to visit the in-laws. Seven days in Del Boca Vista.

    I’ve been planning activities and snacks for months to occupy our little one for 5+ hours on a plane and always carry Ativan (you never know who might need it). To make matters more fun, our 3-year old is afraid there are elephants on the plane and when we returned from our last plane trip, she was afraid to sleep alone. We’re going to try and proactively head this off at the pass this trip but who knows if our plans will work.

    And, oh, the screaming from the ear pain is the worst. Of course, that’s usually me and not Ellie. 😉

    Have a great holiday and GOOD LUCK!

  6. December 24, 2009 2:11 pm

    7 days in del boca vista it must be fun Could you tell me what kind of it ? thanks

  7. June 15, 2010 2:25 pm

    do travelling in the weekend with family always bring self fun

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