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I blog, therefore I am

May 3, 2008

I guess Dooce’s post was more inspirational than I thought…this post has been brewing for a little while now, it’s about time I got it up here. 

When IT Boy was born, I started a blog.  Not this one, but one for family only, to view pictures of him and sister, and to hear about what was going on in our lives.  Amusingly, the family I created it for spent a huge amount of time questioning why I was doing this blog.  You might even use the word “scorn”.   I enjoyed blogging, but wasn’t getting a lot of support on the home front and figured I would eventually let the blog go the way of all flesh.  During that time, I was conversing with a co-worker and sent him the link to view the blog.  He sent me back a note, which included the following sentence:

Amazed good that you have found the time and energy to create something that your family will value greatly in future years.

I was stunned to get that note.  It encapsulated exactly what I was trying to do and gave me support at a time I needed it.  To create a legacy for our family.  How could someone who didn’t even know my family see the value of this when my own could not?  I may not have been able to fill out the baby books, or mark where and when every photo was taken, but I could tell the story of our lives in a blog.  When they were grown, I wanted the kids to see it and know exactly what we were going through, and how terribly much those moments as a family meant to me.   Even if no one around me got it in the present, maybe someone would, someday. 

I kept up that blog, and started this one.  And I ignored what people around me said, until I saw Dooce’s post.  It made me remember what this co-worker had said – I had even saved the email, it meant so much to me.  I was so happy that someone else put into writing what I have been thinking. 

The very night I read Dooce’s post, Little IT had dinner with a friend and her family.  When they brought her back, the dad saw my “Confessions of An IT Girl” business cards, and asked what they were.  Mr. IT jumped right in and starting telling him about my blog.  But it wasn’t in the tone I would have hoped for.  Suffice it to say, he was more poking fun at this endeavor than acting like a spouse that was supportive of my efforts. 

The dad (who I should add was not mocking, but was curious in a nice way) asked why I blogged.  I wanted to burst out and say much fun blogging is.  That it’s connected me with people in ways I never thought possible.  I wanted to tell him that I was asked to blog for a new site that another company had just started up.  How I had just completed my first blog interview for that site.  How my blog got Little IT and me on a national TV show.  How I was going to be quoted in a news article a few days.  I wanted to talk about the emails that I have gotten from parents of kids going through early intervention, and how they’ve said how much my blog, *my* little blog, has meant to them.  That somehow, in this crazy experiment, I’ve managed to make a difference.

But I didn’t get to talk about any of that, because the discussion had turned into a monologue on how blogging is ego run amok, and aren’t I crazy to get caught up in all of this.   At that point, I just wanted to get off the topic and said that I blogged for work.  Genuinely curious, the dad asked more, and I answered more, but my heart wasn’t really in it. 

You see, if you asked me that question tonight, I would have told you of all the joyous highs, and a few lows that have come with the territory here.  Sure, people can say what they want, but I have a thick skin.  I get what I am doing, and I am proud of it. 

Mostly, though, I would tell you that I’m doing this to make a difference somewhere.  Be it with my job, my friends, my kids or my world, if I can have an impact or at least try, I’m happy.  Sure, there’s ego here, but I hope people see a lot more than that.  Yes, I do dream of a day when my son and daughter will come here to learn a bit more about their crazy mom.  When they do, I hope they see how very much I love them and their father, and that my legacy may not be a journal, diary or painting, but it’s crafted with as much love and is every bit as meaningful. 

In short, I blog because I want to, and I can.  I thank all of you for coming on this adverture with me.  I promise you, the best is yet to come.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. darci permalink
    May 3, 2008 9:37 pm

    That was wonderful, Ellen!

    I was pushed into blogging when I worked in television as a means of interaction with the viewer base. The idea of sharing details of my life online with strangers, was more than just unappealing to me. It creeped me out.

    That was seven years ago. I can’t tell you the number of people that I have connected with through my blog, and the days that my spirits have been bolstered by someone out there who gets it, like no one in my immediate circle does.

    I have taken mine down twice in those years, and lasted about a month or so, before I brought it back up again. I love doing it, and enjoy the friends I have made from it. It also gives me a reference point to see how I have changed as a person over the years, and reflect back on certain experiences my daughter and I have shared. Ego driven? Maybe a little, but it certainly isn’t a conscious thing on my part, and I’m sure it is the same for you.

    Keep it up. I have really enjoyed discovering this place.

  2. May 3, 2008 9:39 pm

    Sometimes siblings(our brothers and sisters) or spouses can get jealous or threatened if they aren’t involved in a project that we’re doing. It’s ‘strange’ to them because they’re not part of it. He may actually be bragging to his friends how his wife is doing this amazing thing!

    My son rarely tells me that I’m doing something special but I’ve heard from his friends that he respects what I do.

    Your family diary must be wonderful and your children Will love it one day maybe sooner than you think.

  3. May 3, 2008 9:44 pm

    Thanks Darci. I’ve learned a lot from reading your blogs, and hope YOU don’t consider giving this all up ever! Your daughter should be very proud of you, just as proud of you as you are of her.

    Myrna, I think you have a good point. Mr. IT is a bit shy, and I do hear from our friends and co-workers that he speaks of me and my accomplishments in “glowing terms.” Maybe I don’t hear them directly all the time, but I do know he cares. FWIW, I did let him know what my feelings were, and he saw where I was coming from and did apologize. We’re ok, and I hope the post didn’t make it seem like something was lingering.

  4. eltentwelve permalink
    May 4, 2008 4:37 am

    I couldn’t have said it better. Most people do not understand why blogging is so good. Blogging serves a whole lot of things for different people – therapeutic, expressive, cathartic, or just plain fun. the problem is there are bad reviews about blogging as well. And as is natural, people have a tendency to remember the bad more than they do the good. Great post! The dad I bet has been wanting to blog and is looking for support as well. if you could get back to him maybe he too can start his own blog.

  5. May 4, 2008 7:10 am

    Well said, Ellen.

    I’ve only been at this a for a short time, but my family and close friends were among the first people I told about the blog. I didn’t really expect a big pat on the back or a hooray for you response, but I was terribly hurt that some of the most important people in my life didn’t even acknowledge it. I’m sure the whole concept of blogging is completely foreign to some of them, but it was disappointing nonetheless.

    Fortunately, my husband and my dogs get me and my interest in blogging. And, I’m positive that when Little IT and IT Boy get older they’ll totally get you, too.

  6. May 4, 2008 2:35 pm

    Thanks for this (found it via your Tweet). Very encouraging!

  7. murph23 permalink
    May 4, 2008 6:59 pm

    Great post Ellen! Keep up the good work.

  8. May 5, 2008 7:51 am

    Well IT was actually you, reality you that I remember speaking to on the side-lines to about “this thing called blogging” and how I had illustrated some mastheads for blogs that I read, all before I was even a blogger.
    The intrigue, the adventure and just telling myself that I think I can, I think I can, and suddenly, I had jumped in to the blog pool. You so totally made it seem like IT was what I needed to do.
    It has created a positive stir to my melange of a penchant for creating and inspiring an artful life.
    That and down-ward facing dog have added new perspectives to my OM!
    It is a positive force to make the world more connected. I am really thrilled you gave me a push.
    I now say oh, that was before I was a blogger…! (Sort of like b.c, that is before kids.) Now I am an efusive bubbling blogger!

  9. May 5, 2008 9:32 am

    Wonderful post Ellen! Thanks for putting these feelings into words. I often have the same reactions. So many times I ask my DH, did you read my post today? Just to get a No. Hardly anyone in my family or even my friends read my blog, but you know what, it doesn’t really matter.

    It’s not for them. It’s for me. And I know some day my DH and DD and DS will see that I’m a lot more than just the mom here, but this funny, wonderful woman that lots of people from all over the world think is funny and wonderful. Just a little EGO talking. LOL! And they will look back on the blog and read some of the words and see that eventhough I was ranting and raving all those days and nights I was really loving them all the time.

    And though the DH doesn’t admit to reading my blog. I know he sneaks on and some of the women and his job do read it and that’s great. Keeps him on his toes.


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