School Daze

We’ve finally settled on a plan for IT Boy in terms of a preschool.  He’s not going to attend the nursery school that his sister went to in the 2’s, at least not this year.  We found a (hopefully) great program nearby that is run through Early Intervention and specializes in kids with language and developmental delays.  There are two similar programs in our county, and we checked them both out.  The one we selected is a little further away from our house, and in a non-traditional school setting (more office park-like than old building school-ish), but had great teachers and a warm, comforting atmosphere.  It felt like the right place to send him, somewhere that he could learn and grow, and a place where we would be setting him up for success.  He’s able to get some of his therapies from the staff there, but we’re also going to continue with the folks we have, albeit on a lessened schedule. 

The thing that freaks me out the most is that he’s going to be taking a bus to school.  They have smaller buses (yes, go ahead and say it, “short buses”) with car seats installed and a “matron” to get the kids on and off.  As my buddy Sara said, “He’s too little and cute to go on a bus!”  I certainly agree, but it’s going to be easier for the people who watch him while I am at work to manage getting him on a bus, rather than having to drive to the school site.  It was suggested that I ride to school with him on his first day, and spend some time at the place to help transition him into the new environment. 

Truth be told, I think he’s going to be FINE.  He deals with so many people therapy-wise that he’s got no stranger anxiety.  He’s a sweet little boy who is fine with other adults.  It’s his fellow students I think he’s going to have to take some time to adjust to.  IT Boy is a bit of a brute, you see.  Pinching, hitting and occasional biting are all a part of his repertoire, so that’s going to have to change.  Changes for all, this fall, for sure.

So, ummm, what brings you here?

We’re going to visit our first of 3 pre-school programs to check them out for “IT-Boy-ness” today.  I had grand plans to put together a huge list of questions to ask everyone at the program, but only mustered about 5.  If anyone has any suggestions for evaluating a program, sort of like a link to a pre-made list that I can cut and paste into my handy-dandy keep track of things spreadsheet, feel free to let me know. 

I get the feeling I’m juts going to stand in the room staring at things, not asking questions.  I hope it doesn’t come to that.  Mr. IT is coming as well, so hopefully he’ll step up to the plate for this one.  I have faith.  He’ll know why we’re here. 

In related family news, Little IT’s swim team had their last meet today, which they won, bringing their record to 4-1 for the summer.  Pretty darn good if you ask me.  She told me yesterday that she LOVES the meets but HATES the practices.  She *might* do the team next summer, but no way would she do one during the school year.  I admit I force her into swimming a bit - she has the perfect shape for it, and she’s kinda good at it.  But her passion isn’t there.  It’s like she said yesterday after I was trying to encourage her to swim by saying that swimming could be her sport.  “How do you know soccer won’t be my sport?  It’s what I want to do.”  Whoa.  Game over.  Soccer it is.  Swimming can wait till she goes to middle school and can swim on their team.  Only if she wants to.  She knows why she’s here, I just have to make sure I listen to her.

“The Mother at the Swings”

I’ve had a post in the queue for a little while about a beautiful piece that Susan Etlinger read at the BlogHer  Blogging About Our Children with Special Needs panel.  It’s called “The Mother at the Swings” and was written by a woman named Vicki Forman about her and her young son, and it’s a precious tale of talking to another mother at the swings about her son, who has multiple disabilities.  I met Vicki before the panel and was honored to hear her talk at the session.

Before it could be posted, I read on Susan Etlinger’s blog that Vicki’s son Evan passed away unexpectedly.  I cannot imagine what Vicki’s family and all the people who loved Evan are going through right now, but my heart goes out to all of them.  Do yourself a favor and read “The Mother at the Swings” and think of them and the love that Evan inspired.

Giving up the ghost

This fall, IT Boy turns 2.  It’s also the time he’s going to start going to pre-school.  We signed him up when he was about 6 months, to get him a place in the wonderful nursery school that his sister went to.  It’s the place where I cried when I sent her on her first day, and I cried on her last day, because I adored it so much.  The teachers are great, it’s warm and nurturing, and it seemed like it would be right for him. 

At least that was the plan.  We’ve come to the realization that it’s not in his best interests to be in a program that caters to mainstream kids.  He’s walking OK, playing OK, talking OK, but certainly not at age level.  There are a bunch of programs, offered through Early Intervention, that will better serve his needs, and best of all, can accommodate some of his existing therapists.

I call this entry giving up the ghost, and not giving up the dream, as others might see it.  I don’t see it as a setback, merely a change of plans.  There are a lot of places out there, and just because he’s not ready for one, doesn’t mean he’s not ready to thrive and succeed at another.  Hopefully, we can find the right program for him - the search starts now.

Side effect of BlogHer - more great blogs to read

I just attended day 1 of BlogHer and I’m very happy to say it’s all I hoped it would be.

The last panel of the day (for me at least) was Mommyblogging: Mirrors: Ours, The Media’s, Our Cultures, Our Kids. The women who were on the panel were sharp, insightful, and very empowering.

People who know me know that my kids are everything.  Like many women my age, I didn’t grow up in an environment that made me feel confident about my body and myself.  I’m getting there, but it takes time.  My main goal with my son and daughter is to make them feel confident about themselves.  Strong, confident and healthy kids - nothing would make me prouder.  I know the biggest message I got in the session was that in order to break the cycle, I have to start accepting myself, and that will carry through, not just to my daughter but to my son as well.

Where to find inspiration for this idea?  You can’t do better than to start with the great blogs written by the women from this panel:

Mocha Momma

Empowering Girls

The Silent I

Body Impolitic

I got to chat with Tracee from Empowering Girls at the speakers information session.  Immediately I felt like she was one of my oldest friends.  She’s warm, funny and simply gorgeous in person.  I wish I could have time with all these women.

So many great quotes from this session.  So many great ideas.  Check out one or more of these blogs - you won’t be unmoved.

Bon Anniversaire

We’re coming up on IT Boy’s second birthday, which means we’re starting to get 6 month progress reports from all of his therapists.  The first came yesterday from his PT.  Net net, he’s still in delay mode, but making progress, even if it’s not as much as we would like to see.  She was going over his results and pointed out that in one metric he was at the very “top end of poor” and all it would take was one percentile point to move him into “below average”.  You have to laugh at these things or you cry.  Can’t wait to see OT, Speech and special instruction next week.

Another anniversary, one I had not given much thought to, is being marked by Little IT.  She’s been making a friendship bracelet and when asked who it was for, she said it was an “anniversary” present for her best friend.  “It’s our 7 year anniversary, so we’re giving each other gifts to celebrate.”  I had to point out that they’ve actually known each other for 6 years, but that did little to dampen the enthusiasm.

Marking time, we are.

Go TEAM Go!

Catching up on some Google reader-subscribed blogs, I came across a great post from my buddy Kwana. 

First off, let me say that if I saw her at one of Little IT’s games, we’d totally hang.  She’s cool, smart and funny as heck. 

No, she’s not a baseball guru. But she’s there for her kid, and supporting him and that’s what matters. 

Ah, do I miss those Little League games.  For what is supposed to be a kid’s game, it’s really played pretty intensely in our little village.  Little IT played t-ball for one year, and then spent another year in softball before she decided to hang up her glove.  I coached t-ball but was pregnant with IT Boy during softball year so I had to sit out.   This was on top of my 3 but really 2 years coaching her soccer teams. 

The experience was a blast and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Most of the parents were great, amazing really. Supportive of my giving my time as a volunteer and helping their kids.  There were just a few that really needed some attitude adjustments.  

There was one dad who showed up at practices, I believe, to criticize how we were working with the kids on the field.  At the suggestion of my co-coach, we called him in it, and asked him to come out onto the field and help us out.  He declined, and seemed to get the message about “put up or shut up.”

I remember calling the t-ball parents at the start of the season, and hearing that one kid’s dad was the softball coach at the high school.  I panicked, thinking he’d be on us every game about what a poor coaching job we were doing.  I got him totally wrong.  The experience was exactly the opposite.  Apparently, he wanted to coach, but couldn’t commit the time, so he felt horribly guilty about not being a part of the team.  He was totally 100% supportive of our role as coach, and only came on the field when we begged him to help out.  As a fellow coach, he understood how to help us do our job and work with the kids, and I’m forever grateful to him for that. 

As a coach, I also saw first hand how there can only be one coach, and if you’re the parent in the stands, you aren’t the coach.  Yelling and screaming at your child to go right, turn left, run the ball, throw the ball is distracting, and in the case of soccer often runs contrary to what the coach is telling the kids.  I remember one game where the dad was yelling at his kid to run after the ball, being very specific about when and how.  At next break, the girl ran up to her dad and said what he was telling her to do was going to put her team offside, so she’s just going to listen to the coach from now on and not him.  Out of the mouths of babes.   Your child hears you, so think about what you’re saying.  Be supportive, but don’t try to do the coaches job.  Heck, relax and WATCH the game.  Your kids are young for such a short time, be sure to sit back and marvel in the splendor of it all.  It goes by too damn fast. 

Now, I’m off to find Kwana in her car to talk about the new Philipa Gregory book…

He’s a walking man

The biggest news in the world of IT Boy is his progress in walking.  He’s gone from cruising, and taking steps around the furniture, to walking distances, and now getting up on his own in the middle of the room and taking off.  It’s been a joy to see, going from wondering if he would ever walk to seeing him do it to chasing after him (he’s not really that fast, nor am I that slow, but still…)  His gait is not perfect - he tends to turn his feet inward (pronate?  prorate?  something) and he looks a little bowlegged.  His PT is wondering if he might need braces around his ankles to give him some support, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  He’s up to 11 sessions of his various flavors of therapy per week.  It’s a lot, but progress is being made. 

I always said that before I had kids, when I would fantasize about what it was like to have a kid, one of my visions was always walking around holding the hand of my child.  It happened quickly with Little IT, and IT Boy certainly took his time, but it’s been every bit as rewarding.

In the swim of things

Yesterday, I took the day off to watch Little IT at a swim meet.  She’s on a summer swim team that our swim club sponsors.  It’s a great thing for many reasons.  It meshes well with her summer camp, where they don’t really move or get out much, but since the club is located right next to the camp site, they walk the kids back and forth so they can do both.  It ends up being a free hour long swim lesson with some really good coaches.  It’s great for building confidence in the kids, and it’s super exercise.  I myself would jump at doing it if I was Little IT’s age.

Little IT, however, did not want to do it this year.  There were a lot of reasons given, none of them that really resonated with me.  I’m certainly not one to push her into doing anything, but I couldn’t see a downside to doing the team.  One of her big issues was missing time at camp.  Apparently, some other kids last year would complain that she wasn’t there for certain activities and would make her feel bad because she missed them.  She also brought up wordworking, which she could do for the first time, and would take place at the same time as swim team. 

I decided to try something different, for me at least.  I offered a bribe.  I even called it a bribe.  My feeling was that if she decided to go for it, she was ok with it and just needed an extra push of confidence to try it.  Sure enough, she jumped at the bribe.  I told her that if she lasted the 3 weeks of practice and made it to the first meet, it would be a go.  And she did.  She’s made it to 2 meets even.  Truth be told, the first week was the worst.  The brother of a friend of hers who swims competitively on a year round team told her that he dreads the first two weeks of practice each year because you’ve had time off, are not used to the sport, and have to, sorry, get back into the swim of things.  She stuck with it, and she’s gotten some 2nd place ribbons, which she’s very proud of. 

Am I advocating bribery?  Sort of.  If it’s something your kid is never going to want to do, like Lacrosse is for my kid, it’s not worth it.  If it’s to encourage the kid to do something that you’re reasonably sure they’re going to like, and it’s going to give them extra motivation to get through the task, yes, do it.  I have a neighbor who did the team last year and was bribed financially by his uncle - $5 for a win, $3 for second place, etc.  He applied himself, and walked away with a lot of blue ribbons.  I’m not sure I would have gone that way, but my kid is different.  If that motivated her, maybe I would have tried it.  Net net, she’s getting good exercise, improving her swimming, and most of all having fun.  And I get to see her swim - nothing beats that.

required readings for summer travel

The website Delicious Baby just posted a great article on traveling with a food allergic child.  It’s one of the few sources I’ve found for information that gives you the feeling that “yes I can travel on an airplane and my child will survive.”  I remember reading something on a Disney-related site (written by a parent and not affiliated with Disney) that pretended to give info about how to handle food allergies at Disney, and it started out by saying “of course, with a food allergy you can’t fly…”  Not true, and Delicious Baby gives you great advice on how to do it successfully. 

In full disclosure, I am credited with contributing to the piece, but that doesn’t make it any less accurate.